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I'm not techy enough for this stuff, lol. I set up a 10 user Novell DOS network for the first company I managed but this cyber stuff...I'm clueless, lol. Got this from Dorid's page...someday I'll be cool, but not today! Perhaps the cyber knowledge drains out once you've passed your twenties?

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artists

Two maps and they both show.....drum roll please.....me! I visit my own blog! I am a narcissistic thing, aren't I? I'm really not good at this stuff, lol.

Image

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Also, what do other people see and how do they perceive you as a result? Many would say that they don't judge by appearances. But the truth of it is that we all do to a degree. How many men would come running to my blog with this fine babe of a picture posted? How many women, upon seeing this face would say....ooo let's see her darling kids!

I'm not sure yet where I'm leading with this. I'm still trying to absorb the media blitz that the nudey blog created, lol. I will say that I loved all the comments, pro and con. So many were very thoughtful and full of honesty. I did expect some fringe traffic because of the content and part of my mood today is likely coming from that. Still, image is a good topic and I may expand upon it when I have more time.

Any thoughts?

The Nudey Factor

Right on the heels of baring my soul with the story about my curves which are bustin' out all over, here is the story behind becoming a nudist. It is timely because this weekend I will be spending most, if not all, of the holiday weekend "memorializing and making merry" in my birthday suit. I have mentioned being a nudey but I've never set pen to paper (or sat at my computer going clickety clickety) about how a shy, curvy, accountant type like myself got acquainted with this particular pastime.

If someone had told me, before I shucked my drawers, that I would be one of the few to bare it all in public I would have had them committed. As I mentioned in my last post, I have had a long and less than stellar love/hate relationship with body image. I am the last person on the planet to say, "Oh baby, I'm hot....look at me!!" Why, in the name of all that is sane, would I want to 'let it all hang out' in broad daylight?

The chain of events in this unlikely history begins with my mother-in-law, oddly enough. Now, Marna is not like any other mother-in-law. This 5 foot and not much more, dynamo of a woman has, since the day I met her added spark to my life. She has been married 4 times, the last husband was younger than all her kids except one. The first three husbands all passed away of natural causes after she divorced them. The fact that she's outlived the first three was such a joke in the family that the last hubby refused to grant her a divorce for years claiming he would die if he did. Gordy, was a party in and of himself. Not much taller than Marna, with a thick seemingly Scottish brogue that earned him the nickname "Leprechaun" by some in the family, though he's Canadian through and through. The two of them would spend half the year in a Canadian cabin buried in snow while Gordy worked the pipeline, the other half they would enjoy the eternal vacation in California close to family.

Needless to say, it was these two eccentrics that led us to the nudey camp. They started going out to "The Camp" and brought back stories of fun times and amazingly nice people. Then my hubby's uncle and aunt jumped ship. What was going on out there? It seemed the sickness was spreading! Finally, my hubby went out. Being his mother's son, he loved it. A bit of an adjustment had to be made to go buck naked with mom around but he got past it. Meanwhile, I'm still sitting at home, grabbing another sweater and knee high socks to cover up any signs of skin.

I gave the idea due consideration and after deliberating one nanosecond decided, no bloody way I'm dropping trou with a group of strangers. I don't care how many people in my family are doing it!

But then, how long do you think you would let your hubby go to a nudist camp without you? Now, he's going with family, it's harmless. I trust him, that's never been an issue. But still....everyone's naked out there! The mind keeps working and working.

Short story long, it took me three years. The Marna contingent would go every summer and at least once a summer off my hubby would go with them. Okay, fine. I don't go on roller coasters with him, we can have separate interests. I am not taking my clothes off until I lose some of this weight...damn it. I am going to be one fine, hot momma before anyone but my husband sees me in my skivvies!

Well, about this time the nudey friends were infiltrating the family. Marna and Gordy's nudey buddies began to come to family parties. The shocking part of it... with their clothes on, those nudeys look just like us!

Finally, the last straw fell. My girlfriend Kerri went out...and loved it. She told me she had never felt so comfortable around other people in her life. She mentioned how amazingly open these people were and how you had no way to judge someone by their clothes, jewelry, standing in society, etc. when they weren't wearing anything. Good point.

Then again Kerri is a free spirit, very much like Marna. Fun loving and not at all shy, I rather expected she would love the freedom of it. The only time they use the word 'free' describing me is when I do family members taxes no charge.

One evening we were having a family get together. One of the 'nudey' friends and I were talking. She is a big girl. She is one of those boisterous women with an infectious laugh and a heart big enough to match the kickin' size of the junk in her trunk. She gets teased about the size of her booty all the time. Actually more the shape of it. If you look at her sideways there is almost a shelf there where you could set your drink. I ask her how she decided to become a nudist. She told me much the same story I was living. She had a boyfriend who started going out and she knew she'd better make her peace with it or get going. She told me she drove out to the camp and sat outside the gates for over an hour. Finally, she took the plunge and went in. She said it had been the best decision of her life. Her self esteem knew no bounds after that. The boyfriend didn't last long but now she had friends for life.

Another year goes by... tick tock.

The next summer I've had about enough of this. By now I'm just flat disgusted with myself. I'm still fat. 95% percent of the wardrobe for the lower half of my body is black. Just love that slimming black. I have no more excuses and can't face another weekend alone wondering why I'm so freaked about being naked. It's just skin. We all have the same body parts...don't we?

Friday afternoon hubby and I both get home from work. I packed... uh... sunscreen. Told him, I'm ready to go...let's go, don't ask me any questions...start the car NOW. I hate anticipation. Do it, don't think about it anymore!

Off we went. The strangest thing happened when I got there. I went in...and I loved it! The weirdest thing happens to your perception of the word 'normal.' After going in the gates, everyone I saw was naked except me. Suddenly, I stood out like a complete oddity. I quickly stripped down...just to blend in.

I have met the nicest, most non-judgmental, open, fun people. It's the best. So, the next time someone asks you to do something you think you will NEVER do...just remember, you may be missing the time of your life.

The Story Behind the Legs

Sex appeal, who has it and who doesn’t, I suppose that’s the main topic of the legs story. Or this could be a discussion about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, either way I promised an explanation about the legs and by now my brother is avoiding my page because the legs representing his sister is giving him the willies so I’d better get on with it.

I’ve always battled my weight and issues arising from being overweight. I was a normal, active, skinny child so the weight issue came along with puberty and all the other insecurities that crop up at that age. My self loathing and insecurities about my weight knew no end for a good long while until my inherent belief in my self worth kicked in. About this time, I realized I was reasonably smart and could pretty much accomplish anything I wanted if I set my mind to the task. Still, there were times when being thin would have saved me from some awful treatment by the dim witted majority known as teenage boys. Even into my twenties, I would shy away from groups of men in social settings. One man, all alone, can be trusted to act like a gentleman but get a group of immature guys together and you have a recipe for striking terror in the heart of the ‘fat chick’ who is certain to be the target.

To make matters worse, I live in Southern California, the home of Hollywood as well as more plastic surgeons and diet centers than anywhere else in the world. The women around here are like the cars I see on the freeway. Sparkling SUV’s with the upgraded sports package out rank old beater Datsuns by at least 10 to 1. If you don’t have a full rack up front and minimal junk in the trunk you are just not going to make it around here. They say you shouldn’t read fashion magazines if you want to keep your self esteem intact. Around here those waif model types are walking around freely, no need to buy a magazine to feel like you need a head-to-toe black burka to appear in public.

So, getting back to the main point of this dissertation, I made my peace with my kickin’ hips and curvy form a while ago. I grew a thicker skin and worked on my charm and twisted sense of humor. We all have something special about us…and for most of us it’s not the shape of our ass. It took me a while to figure it out, but it’s all good, I learned. So, at about the time I decided “To hell with looks, I can be all that and the bag of chips anyway,” I found out that there is this alternative counter culture of men who like a little meat on their women. No, scratch that, they like a woman who is just bustin’ out all over and then some.

Now, I’ve been married since I was about 2 so I'm late to finding out about all this. The first time a man hit on me and made it clear that the Plus Size package was his preference, I was completely floored. “What? You’re kidding right?” I’m just sure that the first thing this guy is going to want (after getting into my queen size pants) is to see if there’s any hope that I’ll go on a diet. But, lo and behold, it seems there is a whole culture of men and women on this crazy planet of ours that are not only okay with being Goddess stature but prefer it over those boney women we’re all envying around here.

My girlfriend, Frenchie Pooh is one of those model types. She is lythe and winsome, tall and statuesque. Recently, she went to a gym in LA that had a more rounded ethnicity than we get down here in the glaringly white OC. At this gym the women who were getting all the attention were the ones with the full package, Amazonian curves pushing the limits of their spandex. Frenchie was floored, she couldn't get the time of day. I'm still having a hard time believing her, usually I'm completely invisible standing next to her.

All this came up when Alli Pie and I got on the topic of Goddess potential, so there you have it. It seems that whether you’ve got the legs to fill size 2 stockings or are on the other end of the spectrum, there is likely someone out there in this nutty world looking for you. Yet one more reason for me to stop feeling like I need to blend into the woodwork, lol.

BBW and proud of it? Not yet, but I'm learning!

It's all about me.

Height: 5’ 9”, tall for a girl but not as tall as two of my best friends!
Name: Kassy
Right or Left-handed: Lefty and proud of it.
Heritage: Swedish and German
How do you alleviate stress? Kiss those chubby toddler cheeks...mmm.
Do you swear: Used to swear like a dock worker. My first CPA firm cured part of it, then motherhood took the rest. (big sigh for my inner rebel)
If you could have any job, what would it be? Teacher
What are your favorite sports to watch: Gymnastics
What was your first car? Two tone blue Thunderbird, awesome!
Do you like thunderstorms? Yes, bigger and louder the better.
Is the glass half empty, or half full: Only plastic cups survive in my house.
Best places you have ever been: Florence, Italy
Favorite Food: Sushi
Least Favorite Food: Bran Muffin (shudders)
What type of music do you dislike most: Kids music that treats your child like they're stupid...ya know the kind, sappy, drippy, sugary.
Do you take illegal drugs? Not after that one time on ...shrooms, whoops.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Lust for sure, love takes time.
Are you a risk taker: With proper insurance and a backup parachute.
What do you think about most? What am I doing, what still needs to be done, why haven't I done it yet, when will I have time to do it.
Ever cheated on a b/f or g/f? Be honest: Still with the first one, I'd be to paranoid to cheat.
Have you ever been in jail? No, I'm usually the one they call for bail.
Birthday: April 5
Hugs or kisses: Both.
Favorite thing to do? Snuggle in bed.
What is your bedtime? Depends, either I fall asleep putting the boy to bed or I get back up and get a second wind.
Boxers, Briefs or Boxerbriefs : Nudists don't care, it's all textile.
Piercings/tattoos? Just the ears, no tats, not Gen X or Y.
Place of Residence: The OC
I have a low tolerance for people who: Are critical and unforgiving. I'm too fallible for that.
Do you sleep with the TV on? Nope, the boy would stay up forever!
Can you handle the truth? Yes, I'm a realist.
Hair color? Blonde enough.
Marital status: Married.
Will you have sex w/ any pretty little thing or does it actually mean something? Gawd, my life is too boring for this question.
Friend you've had the longest? Sally, sorry Frenchie but she was first.
Early bird or night owl: Night owl, Wouldn't fit in my family otherwise.
Best advice you’ve ever received? It doesn't matter what someone else would do or why, when you are ready, you will do it.
Favorite quote: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
Favorite type of music: Blues
Biggest Weakness? Ice Cream and Praise
Are you close to your parents? Yes, both
Any brothers, or sisters. Yes, 2 brothers and a seeeester!
Have a religion: Hm, raised non-practising Protestant, threw in some Buddhism, Indian gurus, 60's style wisdom, a few self help philosophies for good measure, and a new age theory or two. Then in my teens Dad fell in love with my Catholic step mom and we became Episcopal to split the difference. If Henry VIII could do it, why not Dad? Needless to say, I gave the priest a run for his money during my confirmation classes. Not sure who was more confused. I'm none of the above these days. Perhaps one day, when I'm in the mood, I'll enlighten those who have an interest. I gave up swaying the masses years ago.
Views on politics: I try to stay informed and be concerned in my free time which is entirely taken. I see politics like jury duty, it is important and serves the greater good but if I can write a good letter to get out of it I will. I have work to do and a child who needs me. I am, however, very concerned about the environment and if Bush succeeds in cutting into the Alaskan reserve for the oil his supporters are after then he deserves a place in the worst hell the Catholics can dream up.
Worst habits: Taking on too much and thinking I can do it all.
What’s the one thing you’d like to do but haven’t done yet? Be successful in my own business to the point where I have time to travel.
Where do you picture yourself in five years? At peace and enjoying life.
Do you like to try new things? Yes, take a deep breath and know it will be fun or at least I'll learn something.
Are you laid back or high strung: Very laid back
Is family important to you? Yes, very
Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic unless it interferes with my practicality.
Are you a procrastinator? Yes , it's why I'm so busy, lol.
Favorite pastime? By myself, reading. Otherwise, being with family.
Longest Relationship? 20 years!
Biggest Mistake? I try to think of them as lessons and I'm ALWAYS learning, lol.
Craziest Thing you’ve ever done? Go to a nudist camp...and like it!
Like to Party? Yes, if it doesn't interfere with my sleep.
Drink a lot (of Alcohol): Nope. Two drinks and I'm horny, three and I'm asleep.
Set your own path, or follow the crowd? Set my own path.
Like kids? Love kids, adore my own ridiculously.

For the Mom's

I'm not the poetic type, I've mentioned this before. Oh sure, there are times when I appreciate the poetic form of communication, it serves to inspire and bring beauty to our lives. However, I'm not one for concerning myself with 'to rhyme or not to rhyme' in my own efforts to share.
So, on this day before a rather useless holiday which holds a lovely sentiment at it's heart, I thought I'd share a poem that was sent to me. For all the moms, I hope you receive what I've asked for as a gift tomorrow... free time. It's my wish that you are not dragged by your grumpy spouse and bored kids to an overcrowded, expensive restaurant and served semi-warm food by an overwhelmed staff. Too close to my usual morning routine at home for my taste.
I wish for every mother to know that what she does is infinitely valuable and appreciated. That your efforts do not go unnoticed and are priceless beyond your comprehension. GO get your hair cut, spend too much time at the local Beauty Supply, buy some fragrant lotion you don't need. Get a pedicure, buy a girly magazine. You know, the kind with fashionable clothes you'd never buy because they won't look good with toothpaste handprints on the hips and spit-up on the lapel. The kind with incredible sex tips that would require you to soundproof your bedroom walls.

So, without further preamble...

Mean Moms Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all.

I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world!

While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mom insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.

She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.

She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.

We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs.

I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head.

Then, life was really tough!

Mom wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced.

None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.

Happy Mother's Day

The Learning Curve

In every new endeavor you have a learning curve at the beginning. What you want to accomplish takes longer because you are learning as you go. The process is slowed by lack of practical knowledge and limited skill. I’ve learned this the hard way this week and my little Jakester has paid the price.
After the jaw wiring along with the hospital and doctor visits, we were finally able to be at home to relax and let Jake start the healing process. Round one, “No, Mommy, I don’t want the medicine!” Calling the doctor, Shawn found that the pain should be subsiding at about a week. I gave the decision over to Jake. You want the medicine or not, your choice. Once or twice he took it, but most of the time he turned it down. As long as he’s sleeping through the night, I’m not pushing the drugs. I don’t take them myself, why be ‘mommy, the drug pusher’ if it’s not necessary?
Round two, the liquid diet. Oh, strike fear into the hearts of all who love to eat. Jake is not a picky eater, he loves to eat and is very active…pan back to 3 accidents in 3 years… yeap, very active. So, he eats well and still maintains his svelte figure. If only I had a bod like that. I suppose I did once…long, long, long ago. (Big sigh.) Eh well, I’m over it. For the first couple days all I wanted was to please my little man, put a smile on his wired grill. “Chocolate milk and chocolate shakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Of course sweetie, anything you want.” I’ll admit, it wasn’t my best choice but he was smiling again, life was good!
At about this point I’m realizing that a child can’t live on chocolate milk alone. I whipped up a mean puréed vegetable soup and Shawn dazzled us with several fruit smoothies. Jake was less than thrilled, but he slurped down enough to get us out of the line of sight of the Disney Channel.
Day three of the liquid diet extravaganza dawns and all hell breaks loose…or rather comes to a screeching halt. After several days of meds and a less than stellar diet my little guy was completely constipated. Now what? I’m no dietician but I know I’m doing something wrong. Back to the drawing board. Now we’ve added prune juice to every smoothie along with fiber. Replaced the milk with Ensure shakes and soymilk. At this point, I’m sure I’ve lost some weight myself. I seem to be on a liquid diet too. Everything Jake doesn’t like or doesn’t finish, guess who gets that? By now, I’m feeling pretty ‘regular’ myself.
Cod liver oil, glycerin suppositories, Phillips Milk of Magnesia…tried them all. The Phillips was the last resort yesterday, watch out for that stuff, I’m tellin’ ya right now.
After a week off, my husband and I had to return to work. Now each morning I am training a different Grandma, Uncle, or Aunt how to do “The Diet.” Every one of them has been on “Poop Patrol.” You really know your family loves you if they’re willing to sit on your dirty bathroom floor and entertain your 3 year-old while he tries to do the deed. Yesterday, Grandma Susie, Uncle Mike and Aunt Kat were all in attendance in my little closet of a bathroom whilst the little guy grunted. It’s unbelievable how one little event can take on such meaning.
Today, life is good again. The little man is on his way to healing, on his way to being ‘regular’ and I’m optimistic that whatever comprises “Round Three,” we’ll be ready.

The Saga

I have to say I’m totally floored by the stoic nature of my little three-year old. When I first saw him after the accident, lying semi-comatose in my sister-in-law’s lap, I just about fainted. His eyes were clouded with pain, he could barely stay conscious and his lower jaw was alarmingly askew. We rushed to the hospital where he proceeded to pitch his breakfast into my lap. Watching a child retch with a broken jaw is not something I need to see again. After a 6 hour stint in the ER, complete with a wild ride down the halls of the hospital to the outpatient CAT scan (better equipped for children apparently) and back, we were taken by ambulance to the other hospital in the area because it is a children’s hospital. If I had known I would have chosen that hospital in the first place….eh well, live and learn.
They kept us overnight mainly for safety reasons, nothing to do with the fracture. They just wanted to make sure he stopped throwing up and could keep some water down. Amazing what shock will do to a toddler’s system. Through it all my little guy would patiently raise his shirt every time a doctor came near him with a stethoscope. Everyone was astonished. I’m not taking any credit, from what I’ve heard children are either born to patiently endure or make a big scene, no idea which one until they come out. He stayed in my arms for two solid days though. Thank goodness for my hubby, who took the brunt of all the work, shuffling cars back home, clothes to the hospital, food to the house, you name it.
After we were released from the hospital we were headed right back the next day for the jaw wiring procedure. I was so not looking forward to putting my Jakester through another round of needles and tubes. After the pre-op prep, hooking him up to all the wires and monitors I was a wreck. I’m usually calm under pressure, know the details and am fine but I was dreading it. The surgeon took one look at me and said, “Folks, lets keep this in perspective… he’s going to be just fine.”
The minute our little guy woke up the difference was astounding. He was hungry, he was thirsty, and his clear blue eyes scanned the room with wolf-like focus for what he had been promised… “Where’s my ice cream?!?”
Upon seeing a glass of water and juice propped on the bed, he about launched himself, tubes, wires and all out of my lap. “I want water, I want juice! Here, let me show you what I want!!”
Shawn and I started laughing so hard, all the while trying to slowly give our son what he wanted. He was still coming down from the anesthesia. The last thing we needed was to re-live the retching all over again. But is felt so good to see our son return to his normal outspoken self!
Now, the liquid diet is a whole other story, but life is good. My boy is back.

Shocking Real Life Intrudes

Hello to all my wonderful friends and family,

I'm breaking in on the fun to let you know my son had an accident and broke his jaw yesterday.

We spent the night at the hospital and are finally home. He was such a brave boy, I'm so proud of him. We will be back to the hospital tomorrow to align his jaw. Thanks in advance for keeping us in your prayers and sending any good, positive healing thoughts our way.

Hugs and Kisses,

Jakester's Mom