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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Poetic, I am Not


In one of my writers groups there are many poets. I love poetry and am stunned by those with the ability but I will never aspire to be a poet. I find that I'm so attached to the need for the perfect word, the perfect meaning, that to forsake the best word for one that rhymes is something I have no desire to do, lol.
I gave them a challenge to write a poem and felt I'd better be worthy of the challenge myself.
Here is the only poem I am apt to write:

"Words"
Words have a power all their own
Words can put you on a thrown

Words can easily knock you down
The pain cutting you from across town

Words can serve to lift and inspire
To bring us to heights, to light that fire.

When seeking just the right word that will serve
I find that for rhyming, I lose my nerve.

Monday, November 20, 2006

New Territory


There is space in time that begins in self and ends in motherhood. I remember so vividly the feeling of accepting my son’s presence in my thoughts. It didn’t begin with conception, though I know the exact moment that happened. I can recall my accepting the idea of having a baby as a possibility in my life. That night, making love with my husband, I felt no barriers any longer to the idea of ‘baby’. Afterwards, I knew. Though, as in anything new, I doubted it for a while. Even through the first couple weeks of maddening breast tenderness and all consuming fatigue, I still wouldn’t let myself believe it until I finally took the test…saw the magic pink line, telling me what I already knew.
It wasn’t even during the entire nine months of divine pregnancy. I know, most of you think I’m nutty for saying it but I simply adored being pregnant. For the first time ever I had a reason for being fat. My body had a purpose other than attracting men and getting me from point A to point B. I was in the process of bringing life into the world. Talk about an amazing experience! It doesn’t hurt that everyone you know loves to dote on you, talk about babies, baby stuff….baby everything! Okay, I could have done without the unending versions of the birth horror stories, but its all part of the sharing.
It happened when he was finally born. From that instant when they took him from my belly and held him near but infinitely far away while they cleaned him and stitched me up, I will never forget the feeling. It was as if someone else had invaded my mind. I was no longer alone….and I wasn’t entirely sure I liked the sensation! It was as if I needed to move myself over in my mind and allow room for this other entity…these all consuming thoughts of my son.
In the first couple weeks after he was born I felt my mind adjusting to this newfound duality. During this time I would wake up and sit bolt upright in bed…. “Where is he? Is he okay? Is he crying?” As soon as I saw him asleep in the bassinet I’d contentedly fall back to sleep. I felt as if my mind were not my own, my life was not my own. It took awhile to assimilate the understanding of what motherhood encompasses. But today I know that part of it is sharing your every thought with your thoughts of another and knowing that you are never alone.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

My Little Brother


This is my brother Mike along with Jake, my son. Mike just moved to Arkansas, the first of our little family to move away from California. He's found his true love, after many, many, many, lol, many years of happy bachelordom. Okay, so he made a fine art of it. His wine cellar was impressive, the stories of poker triumphs heroic, but all it took was one look at Gloria and he was off to greener...and less crowded...pastures. The roads will be less crowded but his home will be overflowing with women...mom and three girls! Lord, grant my little brother patience!
I miss him already and he just left.

Friday, November 17, 2006

3 Year Old Reasoning


I'm in the car with Jake this morning. He has commandeered my change canister (a little compact sized metal container that holds my loose change in the car) and is counting the coins. Among the coins are some duds I've received, a metal plug, some plastic toy change, and some Canadian pennies. So, I'm telling him that I'll need the change to buy breakfast on the way to school, always the mother trying to instill some useful concept, today's being that breakfast costs money and that money has value.
So, he asks me, "Mommy, what kind of money does it take to buy breakfast?"
"Real money" I say, since we've just spent 10 minutes discussing the difference between the misc. 'pretend' money and the real change he's holding.
"Dollars, Mommy?"
"Yes, dollars would be good"
"We don't have any dollars!" Smart kid.
"You're right, I'll have to use my credit card. Remember, Grammy showed you hers?" From our credit card conversation last night, though I have no idea if he understands the concept.
"Oh, okay Mommy. You need my real money?" The nickel, he's holding.
"Yes, Jake, I need the real money too"
"Not the pretend money?"
"No, we can't buy food with the pretend money" I'm still pushing that lesson, lol.
"But we can buy pretend food with the pretend money!" Can't argue with that one!
"You're right Jake, we can"

Saturday, November 4, 2006

For Love or Money


I work for an accounting firm in Irvine. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Irvine, California, it is the center of industrial commerce for the OC. Orange County, the OC as it is now called, is a whole other topic, one that the media and Hollywood has splashed on the big and little screens for the whole world to view in all its superficial and self-involved glory. So, Irvine being the center of big business in a small pond, at least compared to LA or New York, is quite conservative, quite affluent and quite narrow-minded in its focus on the good life surrounding the all consuming focus of making big money.
All this is said mainly to set the scene for the reasoning behind my thoughts on the matter of quality. You see, I have a concern about my present choice of accounting firms and I can’t quite put my finger on the reason. I spent 9 years at my last firm, one that had their own unique way of doing things. So much so, that I knew if I ever wanted to learn ‘real’ accounting I’d have to venture out to other firms. The senior partner at that firm was a cowboy of sorts. You know the type, did things his way, and got sued about once a year because he could care less about the ‘right’ way or regulations. He only hired women because his theory was that women would just do the work and be happy to have a flexible schedule to raise their kids. Specifically, he thought men were too competitive and would try to take his clients or run his practice. I loved the schedule and the complete lack of supervision because it made having my son easy. I also loved being able to serve my clients as their sole contact, much like having my own practice without the stress or the liability. But after 9 years, I couldn’t take the lack of ethics any longer. I finally got off my ass and went out into the ‘real’ world to find a ‘career job’ that would give me experience in the ways of honest accounting.
This choice led me to my current CPA firm. They are all the things that my last firm wasn’t. They are moral and ethical, almost to a fault. An amazing amount of time is spent on making sure all the work follows the law and the new guidelines set up for the accounting industry after the whole Enron scandal. I won’t bore all the non-accountants out there with the history of that whole debacle and the outcome. I’m sure you remember the news worthy details. Anyhow, the resulting laws and guidelines put into place for accountants increased the workload threefold and opened up the job market exponentially for accountants. ((Take note, anyone who is looking for a new line of work.)) It has been so very interesting to see accounting theory work as it should, to see a firm as a whole follow that ideal and serve their clients well.
Another benefit has also been the corporate culture. My last firm had no management structure whatsoever. The manager annoyed the owner one too many times, so he fired her. She, too, had gotten to the breaking point dealing with the idiocy and unreasonableness. After that, he refused to hire another. The resulting infighting and bickering that took place between several smart, educated women was ridiculous. It came to a point where my office partner and I ignored everyone else in the firm. We came in, said good morning, went to our desks and worked solely for our clients and our paycheck.
Now, at my new firm, everyone is amazingly nice and cordial. They all abide by the golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I have always been a very positive-minded individual. I try my outmost to keep my thoughts uplifted and to focus on the solution instead of the problem. At first, I was so refreshed by the atmosphere. How else should people act? I couldn’t imagine my good fortune to leave the “Jerry Springer World” of my last firm behind and to finally be in the company of thoughtful adults. But the longer I’m here the more I think there is something decidedly wrong with this picture….and I think the problem is me!
I feel like I’m lost in a sea of gray. There is no color, no fire, no interest and no excitement. I sit in my cubicle in a designer decorated, beautifully appointed office and I want to get up and dance or actually turn on a radio to drown out the quiet clickety-clickety of all my wonderful co-workers being so industrious. But it goes deeper than just being a liberal in a conservative world. ((This is not a political comment, so let it go, lol))
The deeper reasoning behind my angst is this. I am finding that the temperament of the firm, of the office does not stop there. The clients that are drawn to this firm are of the same fold. I have combated the insanity of the quiet office by becoming more of a consultant and so spend a majority of my time out in the field, with my clients. And over the past two years I’ve noticed a trend. My clients and my firm are similar in some key aspects of personality. They are hyper-focused on detail, overly focused on billable hours, time spent, etc. There is so much focus on the minutiae that the person or the main point is somewhat lost in the shuffle. But it’s so hard to pin down the main problem with that point of view. I think it somewhat boils down to a difference in the idea of perfection. My firm and my clients want the work done perfectly, if it’s not done perfectly there is this pervading stressful attitude. It’s a feeling that the “niceness” façade is going to explode and the boiling, seething beast underneath is going to attack, lol.
I have several of my own clients, who I have kept over the years. I tried to give them to my firm, but they were completely over-charged and now they are back in my lap. These are nice people, quality people and even though I’m overworked I keep them. But what I see in these clients is an entirely different form of quality. They see through the façade. They are real with me. If I screw up, they just say, “Hey dork, you screwed up, don’t do it again, ok?” They show their appreciation and have never cared how much I charge them….and in return I always under-bill them. Do you see the difference? I have been looking at this difference for a year now and wondering about it. I’m getting to the point where, I see there is a major difference between these two types of quality. My clients allow for the human error, for the mistake. They don’t freak out with every penny lost or gained. And I feel the better for being around them, and I’m much more fulfilled in serving them.
The confusing part for me is that these clients have a harder time in business and in life than the uptight perfectionists. Like me, they struggle through life, as my family has struggled through life. Both my parents have spent their lives working and living from paycheck to paycheck. And here, finally, is the part of this line of thought that is the main issue. I could easily change jobs, find one where the people are nice and also not uptight. But will that teach me the life lesson I need to learn?
My firm’s clients are uptight but they do well in business. Their bank accounts are growing with every decision they make. So, they freak out when they’re over-charged $5 dollars and spend too much time getting it back. The bottom line is that this attitude breeds wealth. My grandfather lived like a pauper most of his life. He’d make repairs to the house when needed but he never took any big trips, never saw Europe, and never splurged on himself. A couple months ago, he died at the age of ninety, worrying about spending too much on an in-home caregiver. He had been retired for 45 years. He lived all that time on his inheritance and was able to leave enough money for both his children to retire. And I'm sure without some assistance my mother will spend it, because she doesn't know a better way. I see myself supporting both my parents into their old age but I don't see that it should have to be this way. I love them both and won't mind caring for them but it shouldn't need to be a financial problem. They both should have enough to keep them happy and comfortable and not feel like a burden. Getting old and dealing with the health issues is hard enough.
So, after having said all that I’m still unable to determine which way is better. I need to learn this lesson before I’m old and poor myself, having spent every minute working and not having any time with my children and whatever retirement I was able to scrape together for myself to live out my own ‘golden’ years. So, I guess the question is…..isn’t there a better choice? Does it have to be uptight and rich or flexible and poor?

Friday, November 3, 2006

Halloween 2006

I'll lengthen this post laster, but I just had to share a little of Jake's antics last night. First, it took a while for him to get the hang of saying "Trick or Treat." The first 10 houses or so, as soon as they opened the door he would say, "We came for candy!" Then, after he got the hang of it, he switched to starting conversations with every adult that opened the door. "What YOU goin' ta be for Halloween??" One soft spoken little woman didn't have an answer, he just giggled and giggled saying "She's soooo funny!" He was so gone with tired excitement by that time. The last straw though, was when a big guy opened the door. He had short cropped gray hair and looked like he could have been an ex-marine, very solid fellow. Jake took one look at him and said "You got a flat head!" OMG, all the adults tried to keep from bursting out laughing. Kids are so blatantly honest. They think it and next thing, it's out of their mouthes. We had his cousin Kyle with us, who was the candy monitor. If Jake got more than one, he'd give it back to the person. And Ethan, his other cousin kept giving my brother all the KitKats he was given. A 7 year old who will share their candy...I was impressed. All said, it was a great time.
I hope you enjoyed Halloween as well.